I Hate POTS

For warning - This post is a vent session!

I hate that POTS controls your life. I should know that I cannot try and accomplish "too much" in one day, but I'm STILL having a difficult time figuring out what is too much and how much is enough. I have that go- getter type personality and when my body starts shutting down after such minuscule things like returning a book, depositing and check and a quick trip to ONE area in the front of the grocery store - I still get frustrated. I know that the grocery store was probably the killer. 

Who am I to complain about my life when I know that other people are suffering with their diseases/symptoms/syndromes as well. My life has just completely changed. I can't make plans for the night because I'll just have to cancel. Once 4:00 or 5:00 o'clock rolls around, my body is done. Also take note that I didn't even do anything until 1:00pm today. I so badly want to do normal things that I used to. I don't want to lay on my couch all weekend doing nothing. I hate being stuck in my apartment with no energy to even attempt to clean or get anything accomplished. I just sit and look at everything I know I should be doing but physically it is just too demanding. 

I hate that I can feel pretty good one minute and the next feel utterly awful. This is a really hard concept for my friends and people around me to grasp. It's hard for an outsider to really believe that something is wrong - to the person looking in, it sometimes may appear that I may be "faking" because it came on so suddenly. How do you explain so many symptoms that people can't see and do not experience. It can lead a feeling similar to if you had to defend yourself. I hate POTS.

Right now I'm so fatigued, I feel tachy, short of breath, my chest is tight, my legs are throbbing, my head is dizzy, I'm unsteady on my feet and I feel nauseous. I'm sure I'm forgetting more. Oh yeah - my brain is foggy what else is new?

I wish there were more answers for us POTSy patients. I wish they could tell us what caused this to happen. I wished we had more doctors who are knowledgeable and who care. I wish for an answer. I wish for relief. 

I hate POTS.

-erinj0